About Me

The Ego has landed....(still here in 2026)

This is my "story", it isn't really me, Dermot Murray is an Avatar, an Individuated Unit of Consciousness, an illusion, a dream that began when this biological "spacesuit" began to inhale the mixture of gasses that form Earths atmosphere and the dream will end with the final exhalation of those same gasses. We all have a "story" that we believe is the person that we think we are. We hear words, see things and witness events. Then we create our "world" in the form of a story. And we believe the story even though it isn't true......

I was born the bastard son of an intelligent, attractive 20 year old single mum in June 1952. My mother had to work to support herself, me and her mother - so I didn't get to see her much. From birth to age seven I was raised by my maternal grandmother, an eccentric, unemployable Irish Roman Catholic. We lived in a remote cottage with no bathroom (the toilet was a bucket in an outhouse), no heating except a Rayburn stove and an open fire in the front room, no telephone, no television and not much of anything else. This was before the "benefits" explosion of the 1960s.

Aged 7, I was introduced to a new step father - a soldier who was also a Methodist lay preacher. A hypocritical bully with delusions of greatness who loved the sound of his own voice. We moved to a tin box on wheels (caravan) until I was eleven and then to a new house where I discovered the luxury of "modern" living - central heating, a bath and a television. I even got a train set and a pet dog! But I also got regular beatings from my step father - you win some, you lose some. Aged 13 I changed my name and went to school in Germany (because my step father was in the army). We came back to England when I was 15 because my Grandmother had dementia and needed constant supervision. I hated my new school in England and left as soon as I could. My mother divorced my step father when I was about 18, I was so off my head on booze and drugs by then that I didn't even notice.

I didn't enjoy childhood and often wished I had never been born.

As of July 2026 I am still alive and 74 years old - which means most people will stop reading now.

By the time I was 15 years old I had learnt that all the Abrahamic  religions (Judaism, Christianity - all the different brands - and Islam) were just superstitious bullshit, all education systems were brainwashing institutions and all authority figures were psychopathic bullies. Lucky old me. I left my new school in England after 4 months aged 15 with no "qualifications" and began learning about the true nature of life. I began to study Wicca, Chaos Magick and Egyptian Metaphysics which eventually led me to various schools of Buddhism and Yoga.

I discovered I was not suited to the idea of "work". I have had over 20 "jobs" and a few failed businesses that bankrupted me. The only "jobs" I enjoyed were the times I spent helping people with learning disabilities and chronic mental health problems. I have never been mentally stable or "normal" myself so empathy played a part there. I have come to suspect that I have what has come to be known as a narcissistic personality disorder and the very fact that I have written this blog and actually expect people to want to take the time to read it would appear to support that diagnosis - but I am trying to get the better of it through my spiritual practice and Psychotherapy. (My Psychologist prefers to think of me as emotionally unstable - she has a point, but hey, nobody's perfect.) 

By the time I was nineteen I was an alcoholic and had already had my first failed suicide attempt. (I have made two attempts since - shit, can't even get that right lol). I was incapable of forming and committing to any form of human relationship - but I have always got on well with "non human" people (animals) and they all seem to like me. I have yet to meet a dog that won't drag its "owner" over to me with it's tail wagging, just to say hello and get a pat.

I celebrated my 21st birthday in Paris after leaving England and hitch hiking to France with £100 and a change of clothes and a sleeping bag. I hitched around Europe for six months living on my wits, stealing food, selling blood and receiving help and kindness from strangers who became good friends.

All through my twenties booze and recreational drugs were my self destructive diet. LSD and mushrooms were life changing for me and guided me into the world of non religious spirituality. Coke and speed  did nothing for me and spliffs made me cough (though hash cookies were a favourite treat). Alcohol remained my self medication of choice, I was a weekend binge drinker. I continued to study Buddhism, especially Zen. Pretty soon the main influence of my life from 1974 was Osho (then known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh) as there was a commune near the village where I lived. (It was also about this time that I discovered Carlos Castaneda and the weird and wonderful world of the Toltec shamanic tradition).

Aged twenty nine, I decided to "get fit" and as I was studying Zen and Taoism at the time I took up martial arts - Lau Gar Kung Fu, TaiChi Chuan and Qi Gong. I was already meditating regularly by this time and I started to study nutrition and natural "alternative" medicine.

Still unable to maintain any "normal" human relationships, I drifted from one "spiritual" group to another - learning and then dismissing their belief systems - I just didn't fit in anywhere where there were rules and dogma of any kind. I always had Osho to fall back on. I was also strongly influenced by the work of Stuart Wilde throughout the 1990's and first decade of this century. I had the luck to chat with Stuart backstage at a Mind, Spirit, Body show at Olympia one year. I was sad when he left his body in 2013.

In 1989 I met a charismatic Frenchman called Rael who inspired me for a while with his UFO based scientific atheism - but I discovered he was either a fraud or he had been fooled by a cunning alien pretending to be the Jewish biblical "god" Yahweh. If he had read his Old Testament of the bible, he would have been more wary of some little guy claiming to be that deranged, homicidal psychopath. Most of his followers were and still are, intelligent, lovely, peace loving people and I am still friends with some of them. Whatever the truth of Raels' teachings, I did learn a lot about myself while being a "Raelian". Rael taught me how to be sensual and happy and how to appreciate the wonders of life on this planet.

In 1991, by chance, I happened to meet David Icke in Oxford and he really caught my soul - I have been an avid follower of his work ever since.

I was forty years old before I had  my first "steady" relationship, with a married woman who was in a very unhappy relationship. Her husband divorced her because of me but I wasn't ready for any form of commitment ( we both cheated on each other more than once). Despite that, it lasted eight years. 

Then, in 2000, I met the woman who was to become my life partner despite all the odds (she was a beautiful, sexy, "normal" (debatable) house owning divorcee with two teenage daughters and I was a penniless, homeless bankrupt, living at my Mothers rented cottage and working as a care assistant). Everybody said she was crazy and the relationship was doomed to fail but somehow we have lasted twenty five years (fuck knows how or why) . It has been a roller coaster ride as we are both prone to be opinionated and volatile at times - plus, in the first few years of our relationship I still had a drink problem (and a best friend who used to "lead me astray"). He is no longer with us - his lifestyle killed him in the end. 

I started this blog to give me something to do during the fake plandemic and criminal "lockdowns" of 2020. I was never fooled by this hoax with its fake so called mRNA "vaccine". As stated earlier, I have always known that "authority" figures are all liars - whatever they say, the opposite is probably closer to the truth. By this time I was aware of the WEF and Agenda 2030 and I knew this was the next stage after the 9/11 false flag event and the so called "war on terror". This point of view lost me the few friends I had left in the real world.

I have studied shamanism in its various forms for more than seven years and found most online teachers wanting (but not all). But that's just my opinion - take a look for yourself on my Useful Links page.  I continue to practice my regular meditation - I have been doing this for years and have taught it to a number of people in my old "mental health" job. I still love the guided shamanic meditations of Sarita Sol. Also, I try to follow The Four Agreements. This is Toltec Shamanic wisdom from don Miquel Ruiz, a Toltec Nagual - probably the most useful shamanic path for the average urban westerner as don Miguel teaches what I would call "practical" shamanism - as opposed to the sometimes "imaginary" journeys of Core Shamanism. I also use the free Insight Timer app. most days for great meditation music and a breathwork teacher called Ryan Bean - check him out. 

After experiencing a recent NDE, (self inflicted), I have come to realise that it really doesn't matter which "spiritual" path you decide to take - or even if you have zero interest in so called "spirituality". The only thing that matters is that we try to develop unconditional compassion (which includes respect and unemotional "love") - for ourselves, for our fellow humans (I often struggle with this one), the animals, birds, reptiles and insects. For the beautiful planet we live on - the forests, rivers, streams, wild plants, mountains and meadows. This is our only job, may we do it to the best of our ability. I often feel very alone and isolated because I am an outlier, an edge dweller, not a part of modern "society". I joined  The Way of The Buzzard  Mystery School tribe and they help me to remain focused on this and to remember that I am not alone.

 I am continuing my shamanic search for truth, wisdom and enlightenment in a world filled with lies, deception, stupidity and darkness. As of June 2026 I have started to study Druidry with The Isle Of Wight Druids. I may add posts to this blog from time to time as I see fit. Websites I find useful will be added to the Useful Links page from time to time. If you want to be my "friend" - this is my Facebook